


The Unknown Variable

by Momentarily_Disembodied



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Ehhh fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ish happens, Loose morality, Multi, Read at Your Own Risk, Things get crah zahy, When it happens... Flood gates man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-08 05:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10379331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momentarily_Disembodied/pseuds/Momentarily_Disembodied
Summary: It was just an old pipe revolver, crude and rusted, but it’ll get the job done. I had loaded it with a bullet that I’ve held for a long time. I etched something into it. He won’t know what it says but it will be the last thing I’ll say to him or he’ll read it after they would dig It out of my skull. Just a single bullet in a barrel for six. I gave it a rough spin before locking back in it's position.“Are you willing to go to such an extent for a machine?” I don’t know if he didn’t want to ask that question or if he didn’t want to hear my response but he held a clear level of uncertainty. "For a man who safeguards peoples autonomy, you took mines. You gave me no choice. You took that from me. The moment you did that it was no longer about Danse. You made it about you and me. This is what you wanted. You and me. But from the moment you had broke me. That very fucking moment. You should’ve known it could be no us. By the time we finish playing this game its either gonna be you or me.”I hadn’t even realized I was crying until he reached to wipe away the stray tears. His callous battle worn hand was gentle on my skin as his thumb swiped it away. But this had to be done no matter what either of us wanted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my phone going on a year now. I've been debating on doing this because I cant progress in the story i want to with this poor editing and i usually write and edit on my computer and thats been broken for the longest.
> 
>  
> 
> So if you like it i shall continue on in all of its unedited glory (see what i did there hehehe)
> 
>  

Gunpowder, metal, and whiskey is what fills my mornings as I wrestled with the reality of the new city of Boston. Some called it the wasteland some called it the common wealth but I couldn't call it home. Not without Nate. Not without Shaun. But that was my past life, when I woke up out of that ice box without the man I loved my heart died with his.

"Rattoo. Got anymore gunpowder? I'm running low and I'm almost done shading this in." I couldn't feel the pain of Fahrenheit pricking a needle at the skin of my arm anymore.

The faint hum of an old building in combination with the low hanging fog made of debris and smell of jet desperately clinging to air made it easy to get lost in my thoughts as I lied there on the beaten up red couch in Hancock's office. 

"Check my bag. Front pocket." I told her as the pain slowly began to surge from tattoo Fahrenheit was giving me. She was the only one I trusted that had enough care to ink me and not fuck up. She may treat everyone as if their a threat but she protects the ones she was sure who wasn't. I was glad I was finally the one she cared enough to protect. 

She carefully pushed my arm off her lap as she got up to check my bag on the other side of the room. "Looks good Fahrenheit. Real good." It came out as a mumble while I gazed at my arm. My skin a canvas of Melon flowers from elbow to wrist. "The most beautiful thing in commonwealth" I thought.

"I know. You don't come for just my good looks do ya?" She joked fiddling in the bag for the combustible black ash. A small smile crept on my face as I spoke "Damn you caught me." I commented. She chuckled finding the gun powder and continuing on my arm. 

A comfortable silence fell between us again. My eyelids fell shut trying ignore the needle going in and out of my skin. 

"Why gunpowder?" she asked, wiping away some of the homemade ink.

"Huh?" she caught me off guard asking that particular question.

"Everyone else uses cigarette ashes or cigar ashes but you, for some odd reason, use gunpowder."

"Well." i paused for a moment as Hancock entered the room. His presence was something that silenced the room. Not because of his features but his personality, the person i knew him as, commanded the room. "Gunpowder just feels better. Looks better. Seems better. That shade of black is beautiful to me and I love it even more on my skin." The first time in a long time I spoke the truth. Not that I lie often but I learned that sometimes the truth can cause more harm than it does good.

"Not to mention its completely badass." Hancock mentioned plopping on the couch across from us, chuckling as he got comfortable. 

No matter the time he aways had some jet and a bottle of the darkest whiskey he could find in his jacket pocket. 

Fahrenheit finished the tattoo by now whipping away the excess black liquid off my arm. Hancock started to pour three shot glasses of whiskey as she poured vodka all over my arm causing me to hiss at the sudden stinging sensation as she finished me off.

"Hey ice box, got a gift for ya." his voice smooth but rash as he spoke. That's what I love about him. Even when he was mad as hell his voice was heaven. I sat up off the couch looking at my gauze covered arm my boots hitting the floor with a heavy thud. "Really? Watcha got for me?" I smiled at him watching as he downed a shot of whiskey. A wicked smile crept across his face reaching into his breast pocket. 

It had to be at least ten bundles of prewar cash he tossed on the coffee table that was littered with empty jet inhalers, psycho dispensers, and mentats tins. 

It was a sidenote in one or our conversations but he'd never forgot. Anytime he or his townfolks came across some prewar money he'd always remembered i collected it. 

My lip sunk behind teeth as tried to hide the giddy childlike smile that was forcing its way on my face. He leaned back on the couch with an aura of well earned cockiness. My body reacted before my mind could think. Before i knew it i leaped across the table, pass Fahrenheit, and into his lap tightly embracing him.

He laughed as my face nuzzled into his neck. "You know what I want hun." he said pulling me closer to his body. 

I was happy to give it to him. Downing the two remaining shots of whiskey while it burned on its way down I empty a inhaler of jet into my mouth careful not to inhale it. A satisfied smile embraced his face.

His lips soft as they kissed mines. Hunger and passion quickly taking the jet and my breath away. The taste of whiskey sat in his mouth as well, stained his lips, drunkened our kiss but he loved it. 

His chest heaved trying catch his breath as did mines. "I love those lips and that dirty little mind of yours." he wooed kissing down my neck.

A frail chuckle parted my lips as i was becoming distracted by him. "You know i gotta go." i whispered desperately trying to gain my will power between his kisses. "Tell the tin can you'll be late or something like you got held up by raiders." he whispered against my jaw.

"That tin can is with my son. I gotta make sure he's okay." 

He grumbled at my words realizing i was right. Danse isn't the "father" type but he was protective. His teeth gently nipped at my skin causing me to childishly giggle. "Go to your boy." he mumbled. He was clearly aggravated. "But you owe. Big time." he swallowed some mentats as he reached for the bottle of whiskey. 

My back pack slung over my shoulders as I grabbed the stacks of cash. "Next time im in town, I'm all yours." 

"You damn right." he yelled as i ran out the door, pass Fahrenheit. "Dont forget to stimpak. We dont need you to get an infection out there."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this from my phone so paradon the poor editing.

“Hey Ham.” I jested walking into the Third Rail. This place is more of a home than my actual home, Sanctuary. I can't look at it the way it is now. Too many memories of what was.

You can hear Magnolia's singing as soon as you walk in. Still beautiful even in a buried hum. You could hear the patrons laughing and joking but her voice stood out above it all. “Is today the day I get a kiss from The Handsome Ham?” A running joke between him and I where I say things to egg him on either he gets really pissed or he'd smile and laugh his ass off. “Yeah, when hell freezes over.” He rasped silently to himself as I walked pass him. “So next blizzard for sure?”  
  
“What the hell is a blizzard?” he drone as I walked down the steps, Finally catching the full essence of Magnolia’s voice. I couldn’t help but stop mid stride to enjoy her performance. Her voice alone reminded me of the music Nate and I would play before Shaun was even thought about. The same music that he would play to pull me away from my constant studying for the BAR exam just so he could have a few fleeting moments with his wife. The same music that Shaun was conceived to. But I had to get home to him. It was barely enough time to talk to Hancock.

Humming along to her tune “Cready! How ya liking your old stomping ground?” I spoke finally seeing him seated in that same old ratty chair. His hat dangling of his knee as he cleaned out his riffle. “Ehh. Feels good to be back but seeing as though I travel with a practical nut job who happens to be a close friend, not as great as it use to be. Fahrenheit finished that thing on your arm yet?” He asked looking down the barrel of his gun. Then loading a clip into it. 

“As good as its going to get for right now. You ready to go?”

“As always. What about Hancock? He still okay with that little arrangement of yours?”

“He's cool with it. I owe him big time now  
but he's cool with it.”

“…and Danse?” 

I hesitated for a moment. Contemplating what Danse's true value was to me. He took Shaun in as his own child even more so after being banished from the BoS and finding out he and Shaun are both the same thing. After that he clung to Shaun and I as if we were the only things he knew. In a way, we were. Scribe Haylen couldn’t risk her standing in the BoS and he wouldn’t let her even if she tried.  
He reminded me so much of Nate. Of course there were differences but they held the same values, they thought the same way, they almost talked alike, he even held me the same way. Made me smile the same way Nate had. Caressed me like he lived only to make me happy in more ways than one… like Nate had. And he cared for Shaun they way I knew Nate would. With a fierce but comforting love that only they could dispense.

“Danse it at home watching over Duncan and Shaun so we should hurry and get back. I know that they gotta be driving him crazy by now.” My voice unintentionally wavers as I spoke causing MacCready to look up at me as I stood at the threshold. “We’ll leave as soon as we stock up at Daisy's.” I blurted out in a poor attempt to silence the truth he was bound to say. Grunting as he got up “Alright boss. Lets head out.” He said throwing his riffle on his back slowly walking towards me. “Its nothing like coming home to someone who loves you unconditionally when you’re the only thing that they have.”

Fucking passivist. He said it; he had to say it. 

“That’s not fair. You have Piper, Cready.” I whispered watching as he walked closer. “And that’s all I have Rattoo. Duncan and Piper.” He hushed bumping my shoulder as he walked pass. That was the bitter taste of truth I wasn’t ready for and who would’ve expected it to come from Mac. 

“Fuck you Cready.” I said walking pass him heading up the stairs and an agitated rush. “You’ll get over it.” He laughed following behind me as we walked out The Third Rail. 

“MacCready! Ratz! What can I do for the best riflemen in the commonwealth?” It was rear to see daisy smile but when she did, you couldn’t help but smile too. Today must’ve been a good day to ol' Daisy. “We need a few ammo rounds and some Cram, if you got any? Cready you want anything?”

“Uh yeah. Some Fancy Lad Snack Cakes.”

“That too. Daisy if you can please?” I childishly emphasized the last word as just her smile put me in a better mood. 

“How's Duncan? Hopefully doing a lot better.”  
“He's doing beautifully now. Probably at home playing around with Rattoo's boy as we speak. I cant thank you enough for what you did Daisy.” He stated with a somber smile as she went through her inventory for the requested items.

“Speaking of, I heard that The Brotherhood took control of Sanctuary or at least claimed it as a resting camp.” 

“What the hell? When? Who told you this?” My anger was something not too often seen but it was rumors of it. Like the monster under a child’s bed. What more can be said about a woman who trek across the commonwealth to find her son and killed anyone who had anything to do the kidnapping and murder of her family.

“A few traders told me about it. They said that The Brotherhood just came and put their flag up saying that this area is under the protection of The Brotherhood of Steel.” She said lastly putting items we requested on the counter.

“I thought you said that Sanctuary was off limits. That was supposed to be our safe zone.” MacCready said in harsh whisper. 

“How much we owe you Daisy?"

“Well that’s all the ammo I have for those rifles, cram and snack cakes. 139 caps sweetie.”  
“thanks Daisy.” I said void of emotions, at least vocally, giving her the money.

“Boss? What are we doing?” He asked as we walked out the gates of Goodneighbor.

“First, I’m going to calm down. Then we are going home and rip every BoS flag out of that damn ground and burn it. Send everyone back to Elder Jackass with a personal note that says Sanctuary is and always will be off limits and we wait.”  
“Wait for what? Lets charge at them now?”  
“Maxson doesn’t want war. He already had his war. His resources are spent and he’s nursing wounded soldier. Maxson wants me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the longest chapter by far hope you enjoy. Also if you have any critques please let me know, i really want to grow as a writer. Also no smut this chapter but next... Hey hey hey thangs get hot and heavy. But anywho, warning poor editing ahead writing all of this on my phone.

“Oh God that’s awful.” Rotting bodies of dead raiders littering the streets of Concord. Some discolored and bloated and on the verge of exploding; others are far past that point already becoming the food for the fruit flies and maggots. MacCready almost didn’t have the stomach for it. “You could’ve moved the bodies.” He said behind the palm of his hand in a futile attempt to avoid the odor.

“Do you move the bodies of the things you've killed?” As far as I’m concerned, it’s a fitting death. They lived their lives pillaging from others, raping the commonwealth and its people, all they did was take. Now they will give everything they had left. 

“Well, you could’ve chosen a different route. Something less… rotting corpses-ey and something more… anything else.” His eye widened as we walked past the rotting dead behemoth of a Deathclaw. 

The roar of an engine and the rough flutters of propellers cutting the air quickly morphed from a whistle to a full blown roar as the vertibird flew over us heading towards Sanctuary. “Fuhh.” I don’t even think Cready was anticipating on verbally uttering that. Both of us watching as it disappeared beyond the field of our vision, behind the hill we would soon have to walk up.

“Shh.” It came out more harsh than I wanted it to but at this moment I needed silence. The roar of the propellers slowed to a whistle then silence. The engines halted as the vertibird hit the ground with an earth shaking thud. We could not see it as we trekked up the grassy knoll just before the old Red Rocket gas station. That was something I did not want to hear nor feel. A wary travelers rumor becoming all too real. 

“Ratz you’re too fucking quiet. What are you thinking?” He let it slip but Duncan, if he fully understood what was going on, would be fine with it. Cready was right. I was indeed too fucking quiet. I wanted blood on my hands. I wanted the head of every Brotherhood minion on a damn pike. I wanted fucking answers. “Stay low. We gotta get in Red Rocket.” 

Riffles drawn as we entered the old gas station, heading towards the back office. A long time ago, in the first few days after leaving the vault, I made this a temporary shelter for me but after Danse's exile and while making Sanctuary a no-go zone for the Brotherhood; we decided that if anything should happen to Sanctuary, if anything should pose a threat to him and Shaun for who they are, go there and wait till night fall and if I don’t show up then go to Listening Post Alpha and I’ll meet them there.

“Delta.” I whispered ducking behind the counter. “Lima.” I got a hushed response back. Danse, crouching low to the ground, cautiously peeked around the corner of the back office threshold. It was as if someone put my heart back where it belonged when I saw him… alive. A breath escaped that I wasn’t aware I was holding. “Sierra?” I asked panicked, rushing into the small room. “I'm here mom.” Shaun chirped happily hugging me as I finally had the chance to stand. “I missed you baby. Mommy missed you so much.” Tears trickled down my cheeks gathering on his shirt.

“Duncan!” MacCready rasped running to hug his son. I guessed we both were more worried than we let on. “Danse heard the Vertibirds in the distance and told us follow him here. Thank God I brought my gun. What the hell is going on blue?” Piper spoke up watching us as she held Nat close to her. Cready coming up to her to give her a peck on the cheek.

“I’m not entirely sure but I wont let it continue.” I manage to get out through a kiss I was giving Shaun on his forehead.

“I expected them to fly over as they most likely would’ve done but this one I noticed was descending towards us. The Brotherhood is the only ones in the commonwealth that has Vertibirds at its disposal so I just knew we had to go.” Danse spoke up placing his hand on my the small of my back as I clashed into him for an embrace, tears freely flowing down my face. “Im happy you’re okay. I’m happy you all are.” It was more of a muffle as I buried my head into the collar of his shirt. 

“How long have you guys been here?” My voice strained a little as I leaned back to look Danse in the eyes. An hypnotic cognac color with very easy to miss specks of green seizing my own. “The first one came late last night. Since then two others have followed. We left after the first one woke me and we've been on guard since.” His voice was so smooth, strong, and deep as he spoke but I’ve been around this man long enough to know when he was genuinely concerned. 

Those tears of joy quickly turned into daggers, dragging its blades across my skin. Relief quickly turning into disdain. As his warm lips met the skin on the vein of my head at the very moment it swelled in anger; my hands gathering his shirt into a tight grasp as I laced my next command with poorly controlled venom. “Piper. Danse. Stay with the kids. If anything should happen or you don’t see either of us by sunlight go to Goodneighbor. Hancock will take care of you. Cready, follow me.” Begrudgingly, I pulled myself away from the man who loved me sometimes more than himself but he forced me closer. I heard his heart rate picking up a little. “I’m coming with you. There is no negotiating this Rattoo.” Arguing with a strong willed man like him was like voluntarily hitting your head on a wall… repeatedly. I’d rather not.

Silence fell in the small room. A heavy, somber quietness. Everyone knew Danse would be fired upon if anyone from the BoS should see him. Only he and I knew why though. “Danse. Are you sure about this? This could kill you?” Cready creaked asking that question but someone had to. His eyes dark and calculating as he thought about it. “You don’t have to.” I added, relaxing my grasp on his shirt laying my hands flat along his frame.

“The Brotherhood was the only thing I knew. It was the only thing worth knowing. But I’ll be damned if they barge into my home, intimidate my family, and claim something we’ve all built as their own. I will come.” He preached gathering ammo and his laser riffle. His eyes met Cready then he his eyes fell on me. Then Shaun. By all means Shaun gave him even more reason to live, to be an example, and with a possibility of not being able to have kids, a chance to be a father. Danse could not let anyone take that from him. Not without a fight.

MacCready hugged his son tighter, gave Piper a kiss, and embraced Nat. Danse and I both hugged Shaun. “Mommy. Daddy. Come back please.” He ached saying those words hell it hurt me to have to hear them. “Shaun. You will see us again. That I promise and I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Danse said giving Shaun a peck on his head. “We will be back. K?” he nodded like a child that got denied something would and I don’t blame 'em. With that we headed over to Sanctuary.

@@@

Orange and white flags adorned the suspensions of the repaired wooden bridge as I stomped ahead of Danse and Cready. I repaired this fucking bridge. They’re fucking claiming it. Scribes and initiates walking along the people I vowed to make a safe home for. Synth or not. The only rules was don’t ask questions about other people being synths and no BoS. 

MacCready yanked a flag out by its base on the left side of the bridge and Danse pulled out the right one as we crossed over into my land. My land. “Grab every one of those damn things and bring them to me!” I had hoped that it was loud enough to reach every devout soldier ear. Which it did causing the ones who easily spotted Danse to draw their weapons.

“Don’t you fucking dare! As acting Sentinel of The Brotherhood of Steel, If you shoot one round at these civilians you will be fired upon without prejudice!” I have to admit it, I was A.W.O.L.. Absent without leave. And as the Sentinel, I was second in command, after Elder Maxson. I wouldn’t expect Maxson to leave me be though. 

“If it weren’t for your insolence, you’d be an exemplary example of a soldier.” His exact words while he lectured about my newly discovered responsibilities of this promotion from the deck of the Prydwen. His hands catching his weight as he leans and admires the view of this destroyed city. “Its very seldom that someone shoots through the ranks as fast as you did. Though in times of great need it does happen but its even more rear that someone to reach the status of Sentinel as well as be deserving it.”

“Under the orders of Elder Maxson, this settlement is under the jurisdiction and protection of the Brotherhood of Steel.” A familiar voice echoed through power armor. The metallic clicks, rattle, and hiss of the machine approaching my crusade from behind the gathering crowd. The helmet being pulled off. 

“Rhys. Paladin I assume?” Danse spoke up from behind me. “When a traitor breached our ranks, someone had to assume that position. Danse.” He hissed at the man that was his former comrade.

“I suppose kissing the ass of the Brotherhood until your lips bleed and riding the coattails of your predecessor might work.” I poked successfully turning the attention back to me. They knew nothing of Danse's true identity. That was the only good thing Maxson has done.

“Or screwing the Paladin who’s command your under every night?” He egged on. My finger easily finding the trigger of my riffle.

“Are you mad that it wasn’t you Rhys? Or are you made that Haylen found someone who found a woman more appealing than his right hand.” Like I said I wanted blood. I was aiming for all the cheap shots.

“I never liked a bitch like you. Should’ve never accepted a merc's help to begin with. Paladin. Even if she let you fuck her back out. Too proud to buy pussy? Or maybe you did?” His eyes glinted mischievously and his lips quirked into a cocky sideways grin. He felt that he honestly believed that he won something. Being alive in this time under these current circumstances, you don’t hurt a man like him by stating petty truths. You kill him by making him remember that a bitch like me is still his commanding officer. That this bitch of a mercenary, in the eyes of his adored Brotherhood, had bigger balls than he ever had. 

I was getting mad at this pointless bickering. Not because of what he was saying but because this, by every definition, was an act of war. I should be throwing the bodies into a fire pit made of those damn Flags waiting on bated breathe for Maxson’s retaliation. 

“As acting Sentinel, and with the treaty resting between Elder Maxson and I, you and your men are on a sovereign settlement. A settlement that is both free of the will of The Brotherhood and The Railroad. This is an act of war. If your men and their property are not removed by sunrise, this movement will be acted upon as such. This will be my first, last, and final warning!” His smile faded into a grimace and his eyes turned a beautiful shade of red. That was the nut shot I was looking for.

“You abandoned your rank and left your brothers. You are no longer Sentinel.”

“Until Elder Maxson has formerly addressed this in front of my endorser, Paladin Danse, as per BoS customs, I am still your Superior Officer Paladin Rhys. As devout of a soldier as you are, this is something you should’ve known.” Before I left them, I researched the hell out of abandonment. Proctor Quinlan had to know something was up because of the materials and information I was requesting. I had to. Maxson wasn’t one to wait if he had a choice. Just like he wasn’t the type of person to let his most valuable asset just up and leave. He'd like to toy with his potential prey. Draw them out. I knew he would do something but not this. 

Rhys face stayed the same way. Flat and slightly expressionless but you could tell he was pissed. His eyes darted between MacCready, Danse, and I. His lips fell between his teeth as he gnawed at them trying to calculate all his options. 

“Get back on your bird Rhys and leave. I have no problems in killing your men but I’m sure none of them wants to die today.” MacCready yelled from behind the scope of his gun. Rhys eyed him like he contemplated if he wanted to kill MacCready.

“Relay the message, we withdraw within two hours to head back to the Prydwen.” It physically pained him to lose to me again. I saw the hate he already had shown towards me grow. 

Yes, I was wrong for leaving but there weren’t too many reasons to make me stay. If they could turn their backs on someone who gave so much to their job, someone who breathe, sleep, ate, and shat Brotherhood like Danse did, who’s to say that they couldn’t that so easily again and turn on me. Yes, I agree the institute should’ve been wiped clean off the face of the earth. Yes, they were wrong to manufacture human life in such a way but when those said creations started to feel and act freely with without the demands of their creator as if they too wanted to experience life. Manufactured or Natural. The Institute was wrong to hold them any longer. 

“Your ability to learn the enemy, read them, and morph into one of their own to assess them closer rivals that of our best reconnaissance teams. Your ability to follow orders and lead a group of men into battle with a fierce determination all the while upholding the core values of the Brotherhood are the prime traits of all the leaders you currently find yourself amongst Sentinel. That makes you the prefect soldier Lillat.” Maxson echoes through my head leaving a path of unwanted memories in its wake. A seething pool of anger slowly but violently about to boil over as I took heavy steps towards Rhys. His dark eyes attempting to read my next move. I needed to be closer. He needed to know how exact I was in my next statement. He needed to feel at least an ounce of anger I felt to convey this message properly. His height in the suit did nothing to intimidate me but the cold metal did carry an innate aura or warning.

 

Through gritted teeth, for the sake of Shaun and Danse, and almost visible restraint, I began “When you return to the elder tell him that Ratt… Sentinel Lillat Edmonds said if he pulls another stunt like this I will rain hell on The Brotherhood and watch it burn.” That was an order.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay first off: no smut like i intended and i want to say it will be in the next chapter buuuuuuhhhhttt.   
> Second: I just started a new job and its a lot more physically demanding than i thought it would be but between that, school, and a few business ventures I wont be updating often but i will try. That is a promise
> 
> just wanted to warn ya

As soon as they had appeared, the Brotherhood had left on a flock of vertibirds that carried more than angry enough passengers. The flags they’d left behind in a shabby attempt to spite me were burning at my feet in a brilliant flame. I had hoped they could see it as they disappeared over the dilapidated horizon. 

MacCready stood hand in hand with Piper as he shared the stories of him and I venturing the wastes. The orange hue from the flames engulfing them in a radiant glow. Cready always had this childlike presence but it’s seemingly more apparent when he told his “on the road” tales and Piper looked so content. Just happy that he was able to tell her these stories. She looked like she was happy just to have him back.

Nat, Duncan, and Shaun are off in the distance past the fire, playing. I can hear them. I can hear Shaun getting frustrated because he can’t catch Nat nor Duncan in the game of tag in which he just so happens to be “it”. I can hear Nat and Duncan laughing hysterically because Shaun is the youngest and barely able to keep up.

“C'mon guys that’s not fair!” He'd yell still chasing them even though he wanted to end the game right then but he was far too persistent. He is hell-bent on winning that he doesn’t process the idea of physical fatigue, even for a synth. Something he unknowingly picked up from Danse. Which I am glad he did. I would’ve been found a way to get an immediate lead, either by tripping Nat or falling so dramatically that Duncan would come and check on me then tagging him quickly. That is not cheating by the way… it’s a successful advantage. 

“Fuck it!” He finally yells in frustration as he nearly tagged Nat but she juked him last second. Of all things that he could’ve picked up from me. I couldn’t help but smile because that was something he did learn from me. How to use cuss words. Cready stop talking to Piper to see what was going on and Piper looked a bit shocked after processing what she had heard. “Dammit Shaun come here!” I struggled to stifle my laugh so it didn’t come out as the booming demand I needed it to be. 

“Ratz. You’re not making this any better.” Danse whispered from my side. I had forgotten that he was even there. He was so quiet and the kids were fun to listen to that I hadn’t even noticed he was that close to me. “Shaun come here.” He instructed furthermore as Shaun angrily sauntered towards us.

The closer Shaun got to Danse the more he'd relax. As Danse took a knee to look him in the eye, Man to soon-to-be man, “Do you know what I’m calling you for?” he asked him and as Shaun began to realize he might be in trouble he looked towards me. “Answer him Shaun.” With a hesitant sway of his head, as if to say no, he looked back at the man before him. “The word you just used, do you know what that means?” Shaun shook his head again “So if you don’t know what it means why did you say it?”   
“Because mommy…” Dammit. Yep, he defiantly got it from me. “…uses it and I thought it would be okay if I did.” He speaks as if his mere voice could break this world. His eyes looks like those of a pleading puppy as he turns his gaze back towards me. All I could do is shake my head, afraid if I spoke it would not hold back the tears and emotions welling up. “Look at me Shaun.” Danse says earning back his attention “Your mother knows what that word means, not only that, she knows that using words like that requires a certain level of responsibility that you probably won’t even begin to understand until you’re an adult okay. Until you are an adult and understand what you are saying I don’t want to hear that word or any other words like that come from you okay. Do you understand?” Danse demand in a tone that was brash enough to get the message across but soft enough to show that he's not really mad. Even though fatherhood was far from his mind when we first met, it suited him well. “Yes sir.” Shaun eked out after a silent nod. 

“Go on an play while you can. Its too dark to be out this late anyways so after this bonfire you’re going to bed.” My voice a little shaky as watched him go on and play with Nat and Duncan. 

As silent as Danse was previously it had me a little worried. He didn’t speak often but after this encounter I didn’t expect him to be quiet. “How you feeling?” a question that came out more like a plea watching him pick himself up. “I’ve been better. I thought I got over being exiled but what Rhys said hit something for me.” His voice getting softer as he spoke. To the townspeople he was this bold, standoffish, intimidating, former soldier. To him, if they had saw that, he would lose apart of himself. The little remnant of The Brotherhood that he held close. “They all think of me as a traitor. I’ve lead them to numerous victories, fought in many wars in the name of the Brotherhood but they all see me as a turncoat.” This is the man that The Brotherhood had broke him down to. He was proud to say he apart of that shit stain. He bleed for them, killed for them, even now cries for them. Though outwardly he remained strong I could see the fractured state he so desperately held back. This is why I could never willingly go back to them.

“Would you prefer the latter?” His flannel shirt embodied his scent, grass and melons with the faint trace of ash, my head instinctively found its place on his chest as I inhaled so much of him. My nose gently nuzzling into his shirt while he pulled me closer, his hands gathering together, fingers folding against my lower back. “I-I don’t know. Maybe I would. At least all of my legacy wouldn’t be tarnished. At least I’ve would’ve been an honored hero who had died in battle with his brothers instead of this fall from grace. A traitor.” I could feel him while his nose buried itself in my hair and I could hear him as he inhaled. To be honest I don’t know what I could say to him to alter his feelings because in a way, I agreed with him. His legacy would still remain but he would forever be known to all of them as a synth. Something that I would not have been able to stop them from killing him for moments earlier even if I had identified myself. “You are not a traitor. Even now I can see that it hurts you to go against them. Your legacy isn’t tarnished, this just shows that the Brotherhood isn’t worth having a legacy with.” 

“Its you!” A lone voice yells from beyond the various rumblings of the small crowd that remained at the makeshift bonfire. “They would not have came unless it was for you!” Marcy Long yells in fury while she pushes her way through the crowd. 

“Shoot!” Cready mumbles to himself watching people gather around because of Marcy's outburst. “Marcy now is not the time. We can handle this when everybody get their bearings. Besides they’re gone can we be happy about that.” He pleads as she stomps closer to Danse and I.   
“Shut it MacCready! I’ve been sitting there thinking about what happened throughout the day. I just find it interesting that as soon as she leaves to go to Goodneighbor the fucking Brotherhood of Steels shows up with their flags and vertibirds. Then when she comes back they leave. Just like that. Maybe I was the only paying attention but the Brotherhood don’t usually leave without a fight. And that was a shit show of a fight, if you'd call it that.” If she wanted a show, she certainly made a platform for it as more people gathered around. “I came up a few ideas Rattoo. Stop me when I hit the nail on the fucking head. One, that treaty you claimed you worked out with Maxson isn’t as strong as we thought. Two, you did something to piss them off now he's testing the limits he can push. Three, this has something to do with your boyfriend and his banishment that I think you’re hiding something about. Or four, you have more to do with them then you’re telling us about. In all of these scenarios, you are the problem.”

“What do you want from me Marcy!” I yelled pulling myself away from Danse to acknowledge her. “I gave you all a home, a safe place to sleep, a place where your mind can be at ease.”

“I want the truth! Why were they here?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know.” 

“And because of that, I think we all might be better protected under them. If you can’t successfully prevent something like this from happening again then you can’t protect us. In fact I think that we’ll be better off if you wasn’t here at all.” She finally stated her truth. I wont say it didn’t hurt to hear but it hurt more to see the faces behind her nodding in agreement. It wasn’t many but it more than enough for me to see those who’d agree. 

“Jeez, Marcy. Are you blind? The reason they left is because she was here. The reason they didn’t fight is because she knew their rules well enough to use it against them.” Cready spoke up but she refused to take her eyes of me. I think she knew that if she had, I would’ve killed her. And as much as I want to say I wouldn’t, I would’ve. Danse held my wrist as a soft restraint. A silent plea for me not to do exactly what I wanted to do.

“MacCready let me ask you this. Why were they here to begin with?” she spoke in a monotone, a low rasp of a warning. 

Before he could even second guess the answer he was about to give. I broke the tension, “Fine. I’ll leave. For those who want me to stay, I apologize that could not provide the protection you need and hopefully those who want me to leave will do a better job than I did.” A smile crept across Marcy’s face as I relinquished my job. “I just hope that she is right and this is indeed my fault because if its not Marcy’s gonna have to live with a lot more regret than she has. Considering that she lives. Not as many people can put up with your bitter dismissive ass as long as I did.”


End file.
